I cockslap morals
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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