I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
