I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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