you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
