we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
