Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I would fuck him just for his dog
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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