don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
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She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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