the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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