Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
