if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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