i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
