Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
