So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
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