My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
