im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
