Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
