Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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