can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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