yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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