she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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