last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
