You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
