grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
