I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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