I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
