Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize