Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
