how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
