You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
