I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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