so explain again why im purple
no
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
