Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
