As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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