"it" just moved
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
