guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
