i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
