i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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