Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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