I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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