he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
