chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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