oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
