a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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