I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize