He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...