She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??