i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
they're reeeeeally big trays
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
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Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.