He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
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at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
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Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?