all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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