well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
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i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
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You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.