true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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