these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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