I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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