LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
My ATM looks so different sober.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
