i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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