It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize