Texts From Last Night

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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.

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  (502): Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks. http://tfl.nu/e7zg
  Replies (17) Good night (544) Bad night (3701)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice

  (1-508): View more from Massachusetts

  I respect that

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  (508): I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice (1-508): I respect that http://tfl.nu/enis
  Replies (53) Good night (9731) Bad night (982)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.

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  (443): Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable. http://tfl.nu/quma
  Replies (7) Good night (5869) Bad night (1156)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.

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  (214): Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand. http://tfl.nu/s680
  Replies (13) Good night (1183) Bad night (4488)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"

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  (512): We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping" http://tfl.nu/lb53
  Replies (7) Good night (2816) Bad night (607)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.

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  (970): She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim. http://tfl.nu/tftc
  Replies (4) Good night (855) Bad night (2363)
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  (765): View more from Indiana

  She has a lazy eye!

  (317): View more from Indiana

  My other option is a hardwood floor

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  (765): She has a lazy eye! (317): My other option is a hardwood floor http://tfl.nu/pxwj
  Replies (8) Good night (534) Bad night (1741)
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  (254): View more from Texas

  Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.

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  (254): Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing. http://tfl.nu/4vl2
  Replies (7) Good night (503) Bad night (2298)
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  (315): View more from New York

  A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos

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  (315): A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos http://tfl.nu/8sxj
  Replies (7) Good night (1868) Bad night (500)
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you

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  (586): I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you http://tfl.nu/0vyd
  Replies (4) Good night (1144) Bad night (288)
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  (312): View more from Illinois

  Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"

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  (312): Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?" http://tfl.nu/y5jf
  Replies (1) Good night (321) Bad night (471)
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.

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  (651): I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk. http://tfl.nu/9vy1
  Replies (3) Good night (384) Bad night (206)
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"

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  (727): After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer" http://tfl.nu/pzul
  Replies (4) Good night (987) Bad night (304)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.

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  (401): There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying. http://tfl.nu/eu3f
  Replies (6) Good night (871) Bad night (181)
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good

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  (651): Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good http://tfl.nu/p2ni
  Replies (1) Good night (477) Bad night (203)

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