So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I love you. Go after that dick
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
