Texts From Last Night

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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.

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  (508): We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while. http://tfl.nu/9c2t
  Replies (32) Good night (3849) Bad night (855)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...

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  (330): When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward... http://tfl.nu/3xfe
  Replies (36) Good night (1327) Bad night (9298)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet

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  (816): Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet http://tfl.nu/ftvp
  Replies (7) Good night (4599) Bad night (913)
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  (415): View more from California

  She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.

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  (415): She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer. http://tfl.nu/gibc
  Replies (34) Good night (5605) Bad night (1165)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp

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  (214): You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp http://tfl.nu/t0a5
  Replies (9) Good night (1306) Bad night (2632)
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  (469): View more from Texas

  Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf

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  (469): Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf http://tfl.nu/kuum
  Replies (6) Good night (1476) Bad night (689)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.

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  (503): I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too. http://tfl.nu/alyx
  Replies (5) Good night (2312) Bad night (580)
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  (856): View more from New Jersey

  i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.

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  (856): i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is. http://tfl.nu/k9ab
  Replies (13) Good night (1065) Bad night (2612)
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  (580): View more from Oklahoma

  I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.

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  (580): I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing. http://tfl.nu/utec
  Replies (26) Good night (1970) Bad night (752)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.

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  (540): Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures. http://tfl.nu/hix2
  Replies (9) Good night (1926) Bad night (623)
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  (931): View more from Tennessee

  i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually

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  (931): i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually http://tfl.nu/wdhn
  Replies (3) Good night (1028) Bad night (556)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.

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  (208): When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls. http://tfl.nu/qm6d
  Replies (0) Good night (825) Bad night (322)
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  What's the mantra for Sunday?

  (606): View more from Kentucky

  I will not have sex with him.

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  (502): What's the mantra for Sunday? (606): I will not have sex with him. http://tfl.nu/xixk
  Replies (2) Good night (793) Bad night (341)
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  (310): View more from California

  I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.

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  (310): I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle. http://tfl.nu/a8xs
  Replies (0) Good night (705) Bad night (342)
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.

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  (309): I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne. http://tfl.nu/l6oj
  Replies (2) Good night (333) Bad night (279)

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