Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.