Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside