i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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