Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
