No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
