called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
