i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize