You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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