your thong is hanging out like whoa
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
