Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
