There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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