This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
In America we eat man semen.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
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We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
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It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
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