Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
