everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
